PHOT 'O THE WEEK

GIVING NEW MEANING TO THE TERM "HAND BALL"

If you ask me, soccer is a game that should be played with closed fists. Just ask this Dreher (S.C.) High School player who received a rather uncomfortable hand-check in a game earlier this season against the Bobcats of Bluffton High School. Bluffton Today photographer Scott Salisbury snapped this gem and sent it our way with the caption: "Awful handsy."

PROSE & CONS

by christopher c. wuensch

A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME

MLB's unlovable losers, the Pittsburgh Pirates enter the 2009 season riding 16-years of dreary baseball. How did it all go so wrong for one of the sport's proudest and oldest franchises?

EDITOR'S NOTE: This piece originally ran on April 6 in Bluffton Today. Space constraints prevented the entire article from being published. Here is the complete article.

Despite all the fancy equipment and eager-to-please minor league catchers that cohabitate in a Major League bullpen during spring training, Denny Bautista can’t find anyone to join him in a simple game of catch.
To stave off his boredom, he tosses a ball at the green-brick wall that butts up against the back of the Pittsburgh Pirates bullpen, each heave returning perfectly on a roll to his feet. Over his shoulder, his teammates are waging a tepid battle against the Cincinnati Reds under the 77-degree sun at McKechnie Field in Bradenton, Fla. To the throng of autograph-hounding fans that keep a keen eye on Bautista alone in his little fiefdom, the flame-throwing righty resembles a 12-year kid rather than a journey-man pitcher attempting to make his sixth Major League ballclub in five seasons.
Reciprocity, as the Dominican is finding out, is in short order these days in the swashbuckling world of the Pirates — and not just between the symbiotic relationship of pitcher and bullpen catcher. In a city still shaking off its hangover from a thrilling Super Bowl-win in February and less than a year removed from the Stanley Cup finals, the Pirates are Steel City’s underachieving cousin that the family would prefer not acknowledge.
If you’re to believe the pundits, the Bucs will celebrate the 30th anniversary of their last World Series title this season with yet another losing campaign — the 17 consecutive.
Losing breeds contempt, or, at the very least, indifference. Last year, with the sparkle still twinkling on the veneer of their 8-year-old stadium, the Bucs saw their single, home-game average attendance dip by more than 2,000. To put it in perspective, the Pirates drew more than 1.14 million less fans than the National League average of 2.75 million in 2008.
In Bradenton, the Pirates are pseudo-kings, falling behind in popularity in the Manatee County town to Tropicana Orange Juice and famous one-time residents such as tennis greats Andre Agassi and Monica Seles to legendary musicians Pee Wee Ellis and Steven Tyler.
Despite its history of tennis and soccer pros and world-class juice, the most well-known edifice in Bradenton is McKechnie Field. It can only be assumed that Popi’s Place, a raggedy family restaurant outside of the Pirates’ spring training home, is a close second in popularity.
On March 22, more than 5,700 fans filled the 86-year old ballpark to capacity to witness the Pirates host the Reds. Each one of those fans—except for those not adorning Reds’ gear—has an opinion as to why the Pirates annually lead the league in futility.
“Unfortunately the Bucs have a storied history of reluctance to pay top dollar for top talent,” said Albert Andrus of Bluffton, a diehard Steel City supporter like many others from the Lowcountry.
“Kevin McClatchy at least has made a commitment to the Pirate fans to field the best possible team for these devoted people,” said Andrus of the former Pirate owner. “At the same time, there remains an unwillingness to throw good money after bad to acquire admittedly overpriced talent that often is past their prime and too often will not reflect the owner’s commitment to the fans.”
Last year, only the Oakland A’s, Florida Marlins and Tampa Bay Rays spend less on their players than the $48.7 million new owner Robert Nutting spent on the Bucs. The Rays are proof that small market, low budget teams can thrive in today’s MLB, advancing to the World Series last year.
Nutting, like McClatchy, made their initial fortunes in the newspaper industry. The recent decline of newspapers nationally and the Pirates, however, are parallel but utterly coincidental.
In an era where it’s chic to be a pirate — see the blockbuster film series Pirates of the Caribbean — the Pirates still struggle to put posteriors in seats. The trilogy netted more than $2 billion in gross assets—a figure that could bankroll this year’s Pirate’s entire roster 55 times over.
Other fans in Bradenton position that the owners aren’t to blame. They argue the real reason for the Bucs’ ineptitude is that the talent simply is not there or, if it is, it’s being grossly mismanaged.
“It’s not about the money,” said Pirate fan Barry Rivers from Fort Lauderdale, Fla. “It’s hard to pinpoint one thing, but I blame the wasted draft picks.”
Behind Rivers, Sean Burnett warms up in the Bucs’ bullpen. After making his big league debut in 2004 as a No. 1 draft pick, Burnett spent three seasons out of the game with an arm injury. Rivers words barely had time to be blown away by the warm, Gulf of Mexico breezes when Pirates starting pitcher Ian Snell hobbled by on his way to the locker room in search of medical attention.
The real reason the Pirates have lost 1,426 games in 16 years, an average of 89 per season, is likely a confluence of shoddy draft picks, lackluster spending and poor coaching.
Despite the disastrous span of uninspired and borderline insipid play, the Pirates remain committed as ever to Bradenton, where in spring training everyone is a title contender.
The city celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary with the Bucs by re-upping their lease with the team and the stadium for another 30 years. Only the Tigers in Lakeland and the Phillies in Clearwater (each with more than 60 years residency) have been in their respective spring training sites longer.
With the freshly refurbished park, the fans do come out to the ballpark in the spring — even if half of them are Reds fans or just as an excuse to marinate in the sun for a few hours. At the end of the March 22 game in Bradenton, a recording of Harry Belafonte’s “Day-O” tickled the Florida sky attempted to lift the spirits of the Bucs fans, who just witnessed their team get one-hit by the Reds. Daylight come and me wanna to go home with a win.



FOLLOW UP: Since this article ran on Opening Day, the Bucs are off to a fast start. Pittsburgh entered this weekend's west-coast swing against the Padres with a 9-6 record and are coming off a three-game sweep of the 11-4 Florida Marlins.

MY BAD

The recent retirement of garbled-voiced Dikembe Mutombo after a 16-year career in the NBA inspires the brain to ponder the plight of foreign-born big men. Especially the biggest of them all.

This comes paraphrased from former Sports Illustrated columnist Steve Rushin's blog not too long ago:

Manute Bol, a 7-foot, 7-inch tall oak-tree of a man, isn't exactly know for his vernacular. Yet the Sudanese-born hoopster is unofficially credited as the father of one of the most used phrases in all of sport. Apparently, when Bol would err in practice, he would turn to a teammate and utter the two easiest words his limited vocabulary would allow him to string together. And with that, the phrase "My Bad" was birthed.

Bol, it should be noted, played nine seasons for four teams - three (76ers, Bullets and Warriors) of which he endured two playing stints with. A sense of humor isn't lost on the big fellow in retirement. He's appeared in celebrity boxing and ice hockey matches.

SATURDAY: NOW WE GET SERIOUS...SORTA

LAND HO!

Ben Hall doesn't care much for golf. While those a good-driver's length away onshore drown themselves in booze and compete to see who can wear less clothing, the captain of the Spirit of South Carolina, anchored off Harbour Town Golf Links' 18th green in the Calibogue Sound since Tuesday, is content to spend his days sanding something, anything, on this schooner.

Hall and a crew of five have anchored off the shore this entire week to draw attention to the Spirit of South Carolina, a 140-foot long schooner. The vessel is a teaching ship, catering to middle and high school kids.

FRIDAY: CUT DAY

NO ROOM AT THE INN

My father and step-mother arrived on the island Friday morning to find quite a surprise. Apparently the specific room they reserved had been given away. The lucky recipient of the suite in Coligny's Holiday Inn ? That would be then-tournament-leader Alex Cejka. Perhaps that room isn't quite as comfortable as my folks remember. Cejka's 71-par on Friday knocked him from atop the leaderboard. The German now sits tied for third (7-under, 135) with Lee Janzen.

ACE IN THE HOLE

Cejka (pronounced CHAY-ka) could have had third all to himself had it not been for Janzen's hole-in-one on No. 17.

BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR

Of the 132 golfers competing in this year's Verizon Heritage, 52 of them did not survive Friday's cut. Among them was Jim Furyk, my pick to win it all. Shows you what I know.

SIR, YOUR PANTS ARE MAKING A SCENE

While waiting for Brian Gay to approach the tee box on hole No. 9, I had the fortune of meeting Joe Ellis of Columbia. The University of South Carolina Beaufort student was wearing arguably the loudest pants I've ever seen on a golf course.

"I'm pretty sure my mom is colorblind," the Columbia, S.C. native said of this garish pants, which sported bright yellow, pink, orange and light green. Of all the leg-holders in his wardrobe, which includes neon green, neon yellow and paisley pants, the ones he donned on Friday were by far his loudest.

Today is Tartan day out at the Harbour Town Golf Links - expect far more funkier outfits if you head to the course.

THURSDAY: OPENING DAY

Note the finger in the frame


ALL HANDS ON DECK

Living in the greater Hilton Head Island area and not climbing the Harbour Town Lighthouse is a lot like living in New York City and never setting foot on Ellis Island or on the Empire State Building's observation deck.

With that in mind, it was time to correct of miscarriage of habitual rites on Thursday. I climbed and conquered the venerable 93-foot-tall tourist turet that stands guard over Harbour Town Golf Links' 18th green.

Atop awaits a breathtaking view of the Calibogue Sound - and not just because it's 114 steps straight up. Even with 30,000 fans-a-day packing into the narrows of Harbour Town Golf Links, visiters to the lighthouse do not increase this week. Fans are complacent in walking the 6,973 yards (the equivalent of 225 trips up the lighthouse) of the golf course. New this year to the house is a spotlight that carries the marina and shines on the old oak tree at night.

SPEAKING OF ON TOP

While I was climbing stairs, Alex Cejka was ascending the leaderboard. The German finished the opening round with a Thursday-best 7-under-par, 64. One has to wonder that if the Cejka (pronounced CHAY-ka) wins, if he'll be given the same hyper-celebrity status that the folks at the Verizon Heritage, as well as the fans and media, showered upon two-time defending champ and Southern beau Boo Weekley.

After all, Cejka isn't without his own sense of mis-guided flair, such as Weekley, the father of redneck golf.

Check out this excerpt from the PGA media guide:

Thinking he had missed the cut at the third-round cut at the Zurich Classic of New Orleans, (Cejka) flew home to Las Vegas. Upon hearing that the cut wasn't being instituted, (he) caught a flight from Las Vegas back to Houston, rented a car and drove through the night to New Orleans, arriving the next morning. Playing with borrowed clubs and clothes, (he) shot a final round 71, his best round of the week to finish T75.

In Cejka's defense, Brandt Jobe and Retief Goosen also had to return to the course after leaving town when they found out there was no cut.

NAME GAME

Alex Cejka isn't the only one playing the 41st annual Verizon Heritage this week with a name that has to be followed up with a (pronunciation box). Here's a list of some of the names in this year's field that don't quite read the way they're pronounced:

Peter Jacobson (YOCK-ub-son)

Charlie Wi (Wee)

Camilio Villegas (kuh-ME-lo bee-JAY-guy)

Jose Marie Olazabal (OH-lah-thaw-bull)

NUMBERED NAME GAME

Strange names are common in golf, but what about numbered names? There are three players with week that afix digits to their moniker. See, in descending order, Davis Love III, Charles Howell III and Tommy Armour II. That's seven generations of un-creative families. What ever happened to Jr's?

- Christopher C. Wuensch I (WUNCH)

WEDNESDAY: Pro Am Day

Golfers sure do have it tough. I arrived on the practice green this afternoon to find more loafing than short-game practice. That includes the PGA’s Steve Marino, who was sprawled out and laying on the turf chatting away with a fellow tour player all the while looking as if he was lost in the few clouds that happened to dot the pristine-blue sky.

Who can blame him? The weather was about as good as it gets today. Expect a lot of the same throughout the rest of the week—highs around 74, lows about 60. That’s code for: get yourself out to “Sun Dress City” on this weekend. That advice comes from Harbour Town Director of Golf John Farrell. Sun Dress City is the junction where holes No. 10 and 16 meet up. It’s the place to be and to be seen.

Marino and his colleagues enjoy the good life. Let’s dissect an average, un-Tiger-like PGA player:

Monday: Roll into town, check in with the tournament. If you won the tourney last year, you may be asked to come in on Monday to help in the opening ceremonies. See Boo Weekley firing a drive with a replica 1700s, Scottish driver into the Calibogue Sound as a men dressed as ominous-looking Minute Men blasted a canon on Harbour Town’s 18th fairway. When a reporter asks if you get to keep the earplugs, tell them they don’t want they back because you haven’t cleaned your ears in some time. Again, see Boo Weekley.

Tuesday: Play a practice round in the morning. Ride bikes through dangling Spanish Moss with your wife and kids during the afternoon.

Wednesday: Get paired up with a local, hot shot with deep wallets who shelled out a couple of grand to be paired up with you in a Pro-Am. Make small talk. Snap a few photos before meeting the some friends at the Quarterdeck for peel-n-eat shrimp.

Thursday-Friday: Tournament play begins. Hope to survive the cut.

Saturday-Sunday: If you’re lucky enough to survive both the cut and the sharp winds of Harbour Town, perhaps you find yourself with a chance to win. Winning would be nice. Here in Sea Pines, stuff your wallet with 990,000 $1 bills. Plus, you get a hideously red jacket that you’ll probably bust out as a lark during dinner parties with friends during the off-season. Weekley likely hunts and fishes while wearing the two jackets he won in 2007 and last year.

Don’t worry if you finished tied for dead-last, as Matt Jones and Greg Kraft did last year (T-73, 11-over, 295). The PGA will find $10,615 in its overall purse to pay you.

Move on to next venue and repeat.

ALMOST CUT MY HAIR

Who says hard-hitting journalism is a dinosaur? Tough questions were flying in the media tent this afternoon and Aaron Baddeley was caught in the storm. Here’s how it went down:

Q: A bit of a shaggier look this year, does your wife like that or is that your doing?

Aaron Baddeley: Richelle does like it long. It’s just getting a little bit too long. It’s starting to get a little annoying, so I’ll get a bit of a trim next week. I’ve had it short for a time, so I’m going to go longer.

Man, this tournament could really use Tiger. Think anyone ever asked Tiger about his haircut?

QUIGLEY DOWN UNDER

Jupiter (Florida not the planet) native Brett Quigley found himself fighting the gods of golf last weekend, but not in Augusta at the Masters with many of his peers.

Q: What did you do last week?

Brett Quigley: I was in Rhode Island actually and played in the snow on Wednesday of last week. I quit playing after 12 holes because it was snowing too hard. I watched a bunch (of the Masters) on Sunday. It was great to watch. It is tough to watch. It is definitely motivating.

We can only assume he meant motivation enough to get out of Rhode Island and into the warm climate of the Palmetto State. Plus, Quigley should know better. After all, he went to college in Columbia at the University of South Carolina.

SHARING THE LOVE

Perhaps Quigley consulted with Davis Love III before heading for the Mason Dixon Line. DL3 has won the Verizon Heritage a record five times. Harbour Town seems to bring out the best in the 45-year-old, Sea Island, Ga., resident. And Love III isn’t afraid to admit it.

Davis Love III: “I’ve been putting a little too much pressure on myself to get results. I need to relax and play, which usually I do well this time of year doing that. I get to Harbour Town and I tend to realize it’s time to calm down and just enjoy yourself and play. This course usually puts me in the mood for that. I’ve said it a lot.

Thanks for saying it again, Davis.

GRAB A CLUB

If you find yourself in need of a respite from watching golf on Thursday, head over to Bridgestone Fan Tent located along the 18th tee box. There you can test all the different types of golf balls. Kids get to play mini-golf. That makes me slightly jealous.

TUESDAY: BOO-YAH!!

EDITOR'S NOTE: I might as well put my incredible access to this year's Verizon Heritage, the PGA's annual stop on Hilton Head Island, to good use. Each day I will bring you some inside stories that go on behind the ropes, in the media tent, and behind corners that the public doesn't have access to.

Note Boo's camouflage hat

I’d like to personally thank Boo Weekley. It’s because of him that I had to permanently add the term “ain’t” into my Microsoft Word’s dictionary. I simply got tired of dealing with the scribbly, red line telling me that it’s not a word. I wouldn’t dare tell the two-time defending Verizon Heritage champ that ain’t just ain’t a word. The pseudo word is firmly entrenched in his vernacular.

Instead of fighting it, I suppose it’s time to welcome back the Lowcountry’s favorite adoptive son.

Unless you’ve been living in a cave with your head under your armpits for the last two days, undoubtedly you’ve heard that the Verizon Heritage has lumbered back onto Hilton Head Island.

You’re going to hear a lot about Boo in the days to come. I know what you’re thinking: I’ve already heard enough about this guy and the tournament hasn’t even started. I alone have written three articles in the last 24 hours on the 35-year-old from Wilton, Fla.

The story of Boo is an important one. The guy is a real-life Happy Gilmore — a breath of…well fresh air isn’t the correct term…for the Tour. Weekley’s been able to accomplish what John Daly was never able to do, despite having a similar following.

Despite spending time at last year’s Heritage, I didn’t quite get the full Boo experience. I figured the stories of his redneck ways had to be overly exaggerated.

Boy, was I wrong. This guy’s a walking cartoon character.

This is a guy who referred to the Sea Pines Lighthouse as a deer hunting stand, said he likes the Sea Pines course because it’s “fat-person friendly” and rode a replica 1700s- style wooden driver along the fabled 18th fairway like it was a wild stallion. All in a five-minute span during Monday’s opening ceremonies.

Calm down my fellow fat people. Boo referenced himself as one of us.

Before I could hit the Sol Blatt Jr. Expressway on my way home to Bluffton, I was enamored with the guy.

Tuesday proved different. When I approached Weekley on the driving green he was gruff, as if someone had just kicked his favorite hunting hound. He answered all my questions but seemed to be annoyed before I got to him. After observing his driving, he looked more annoyed and gingerly favored his left leg a bit.

On Friday he missed the cut at the Masters. On Monday he blamed it on over-practicing. One has to wonder if his leg hurts more than he is leading on. If so, let’s hope he can play through the discomfort. There are a lot of people here hoping he becomes the first golfer to win three-straight Verizon Heritages.

It’s funny how a complete goof can un-starch the collars of some of Sea Pines’ most uptight people. Fact is, he’s a stand up guy; one who will sign autographs forever, donates proceeds to wounded vets and said he wants to walk the course on the fans-side of the ropes just to be with common folks like himself. He's even allowing Paul Olson, a disabled vet, caddy for him during the week's practice rounds.

That ain’t too bad.

WHO ELSE IS PLAYING??

Believe it or not, there are 131 other players looking to derail Weekley’s two-year winning streak. One of them is Hilton Head’s own D.J. Trahan. The Hilton Head Island High School grad has had a rough go of late. He hasn’t finished higher than 30th in his last five tournaments, including missing the cut at Bay Hill in Orlando.

The big dogs — Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson and even reigning Masters champ Angel Cabrera — don’t play in the Heritage. But there are plenty of great players here.

My prediction: Jim Furyk will win. I say that mostly because, like myself, Furyk attended the University of Arizona. Call me a homer.

Tune back in tomorrow for more. On the schedule is the Pro-Am. For those of you attending, Weekley tees off at 12:15 p.m. on hole No. 1.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

This is the future WWW (World Wide Wuensch) home of Christopher C. Wuensch, former sports editor of the Explorer News in Tucson, Ariz. and Bluffton Today in Bluffton, S.C. The site is undergoing major re-construction right now, so please be patient. When up and running, look for daily blurbs (Still In Progress At Press Time, see example), weekly columns, photo of the week as well as a full story archive and resume to name just a few. Subject matter will run the gamut from local to national news, from sports to...well, who knows.

For now, please enjoy daily updates from the 41st Annual Verizon Heritage.

- Christopher C. Wuensch

RĒSUMĒ

Christopher C. Wuensch Resume

Need a sports reporter? Click on the link above to access my resume. Stay tuned for a full archive...

STILL IN PROGRESS AT PRESS TIME...

Many regard Elmer Valo as the greatest Czechoslavakia-born baseball player. The Ribnik native collected 1,420 hits in 20 Major League seasons with the Philadelphia and Kansas City Athletics, Phillies, Browns, Los Angeles Dodgers, Indians, Yankees, Senators and Twins before returning to the Phils. Old Man Valo got around more than a traveling dictionary salesman - to put it in '50's prose. My question is: when Valo would only go around half-way on a swing, did they call it a "Czech swing?"

SAFE!!!

PHOT-'O THE WEEK

By Christopher C. Wuensch

Photo by Scott M. Salisbury

Photographic proof of this kid completely "eating @%!#." If I were this kid's teammate, I'd have a copy of this photo hanging somewhere in the locker room.

Scott Salisbury caught this gem at a Bluffton (S.C.) High School baseball game earlier in the season. I think my favorite part of this picture is that even the Bobcat on the dugout wall also seems to think it's funny. The kid in the photo is a pretty good hitter...terrible slider.